Moving Forward with Life

Healing

Sep 15

For a long time I said I “changed” my name.

But recently I realized something deeper.

Maybe I didn’t change my name.

Maybe I added to it.

Years ago, becoming Sandika felt like a fresh start.

A way to move away from pain, trauma, old identities, old wounds, and versions of myself I didn’t know how to carry anymore.

And I also see now there was another layer to that time in my life.

It wasn’t only about pain. It was also a very alive, expansive chapter. I was stepping into becoming a coach, building my business, loving everything I was learning, beginning my off-grid life, moving into a new island community, working for a coaching school, travelling with amazing friends and colleagues, and my work was growing in ways I had only dreamed of.

It felt like a proclamation that this was it. I was out of the swamp. I felt so alive.

Sandika means “moving forward with life,” which resonated deeply with me and what coaching felt like at the time. Taking action steps forward.

And I understand now why I needed that.

At the time, it really was about stepping into something new.

A fresh start.

A way of becoming.

But healing is interesting.

Because sometimes in the beginning, healing feels like separation.

Like needing distance from everything connected to the pain.

Then later, if we keep growing, healing becomes integration.

I can look back now and see there was pain, yes.

But there was also love.

There was laughter.

There was belonging.

Family dinners, church events, cousins, nicknames, road trips, chaos, safety, memories.

Our minds can get so focused on what hurt that we forget the wholeness that also existed.

Honestly, if I could go back for one day, I wouldn’t go back to adulthood.

I would go back to childhood.

Back when the house was full.

Back before everyone grew up and scattered.

Back before survival mode took over for me.

Maybe this is part of the Hero’s Journey too.

We leave home to find ourselves.

We shed identities.

We survive.

We become.

We search for freedom, truth, healing, meaning.

But eventually many of us realize the journey was never really about erasing where we came from.

It was about returning with new eyes.

Able to hold both the pain and the love.

The grief and the gratitude.

Who we were and who we became.

So I’ve come to a point in my life where I also want to soften something and say thank you to the friends and family from all the different seasons of my life.

You loved Becky.

Becca.

Becs.

Beckster.

Rebecca.

The small town girl version of me.

All the different versions.

And I think when I became Sandika, I approached it from a place where I needed people to fully come with me into that new identity.

Looking back now, I probably could have approached it differently.

But I also know I couldn’t back then.

I was doing the best I could with where I was emotionally at the time.

And I can also see now how healing can sometimes be very self-focused in that phase of life, where it’s about survival and becoming. It’s not always easy for others to understand from the outside.

So this is me softening around all of it.

Sandika is still deeply me.

I’ve just realized I didn’t actually erase Rebecca.

I added to her.

So if you’ve known me through different chapters, different names, different versions, I just want you to know you’re welcome to call me whatever feels natural and comfortable for you. Becky, Becca, Becs, Beckster, Rebecca, Sandika… whatever fits best for you. I genuinely mean that.